no hope no hope no hope.

And I read this over and over again.
Thinking that no matter how hard things get-
I'm not compromising anything.
No matter how much I want to get up and quit and relieve myself of these burdens, I can't help but tremble under the weight of my cross. Refusing to be crushed.
Grinding my teeth and spitting profanities and screaming how much harder I'll work and show everyone that I'm a dignified human being.
No matter how many dirty looks I get, no matter how many people want to see me break into pieces and set me on fire, I keep my chin up only because of that gigantic and irremovable wedge that's stuck there between my collarbone and my neck.
I have no choice in the matter, it's just who I am.
It's why I stopped cutting, it's why I grew up so damn fast.
It's why I yell and scream and carry on no matter how many people hate or love me for it.
No, I'm not wearing any fucking masks for my peers anymore. I'm not acting a certain way because you all expect me to.
I am myself, down to my very bones and past my bones to my subconcious, and through my subconcious to my soul because it's there and it isn't changing.
There is within me a core, and in that core is every single trait that makes up the branches of my ego. And try though the world may, it's not going to be affected.
I'll punch my way through the cement walls of trial and error and doubt, moved like clockwork by that machine of perpetual and involuntary motion inside of me.
There's no way I'll be pushed to my knees, because after a certain point gravity doesn't work on me.
I look around, and all that surrounds me is menace and weakness, and I often find myself emerging the leader and it isn't fair anymore, but I accept it.
I've no such thing as a leap of faith, because I don't second guess what I do, or what my impulses are.
I'm not dead yet, and I won't die until God finally comes to me and says, "Leave, you've done quite enough here."
I don't think I've done at all what I could potentially do yet, though.
May damnation fall to the obstacle that stands in the path that I want to follow in life, no matter who it is.

"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."

And with that, I am done with my Honors MAH homework. Peace out.